A Common Bond

--Mel [from the Philippines] and Brenda [from New Zealand] Hilario

When Mel and Brenda first met in 1985, they discovered they had a lot in common: they were both nurses, both had a heart for the poor, both came from middle class families and both had a call to serve the Lord in the Philippines. "But the bottom line," remembers Mel, "was that we truly sensed the Lord in our relationship leading and guiding us every step of the way, and He spoke to us through many scriptures and circumstances over a two-year period before our marriage that He desired us to be together."

The Hilarios have learned a lot in their 19 years of marriage. "Our advice for couples entering an intercultural marriage is to take it slowly and seek mature, wise counsel," they recommend. "It's so important to really get to know each other and each other's cultures before getting married. We have seen so many couples over the years rush into marriage after a few months of courtship with very sad results. Cross-cultural relationships take a lot of extra effort to be strong, so people need to know if they are open enough to other cultures and willing enough to make the necessary adjustments and sacrifices along the way. Not everybody is cut out for these kind of challenges in relationships."

Regarding raising their children, the Hilarios say, "From the first day of their lives we spoke to our children in both languages. So today they both speak English and Tagalog. We placed them in Filipino schools for nearly all of their education. To help them be able to identify with the culture, we took them to as many family gatherings as possible. Being bicultural has given our children many advantages in life and they have both developed into confident, outgoing, friendly children with strong ambitions and desires in life."

The Hilarios would like to see YWAM provide more guidance for men and women considering cross-cultural marriage. "We believe it's essential as a mission organization to develop a program to assist our YWAMers in this very important decision in their lives."

--Mel and Brenda have been in YWAM for 21 years and are currently leading Family Ministries in the Philippines

International YWAMer, June-Sept 2006. Topics: