Walking in My Moccasins

--Vae [from Samoa] and Julie [from Canada] Eli

As Julie and I fell in love and got married, we had to cross a divide from very different cultures.

As a Polynesian of Samoan descent, married to a westerner from Canada, I had to find out the value of verbal and written information not only to a westerner but a westerner who is a woman.

My wife Julie is a Canadian of Scottish and English ancestry. Because of her roots, she brings into our marriage a wealth of pioneering spirit, a "planning-for-the-future" culture and a certain stubbornness--which, when it's in tune with God, is powerful for the kingdom. She also brings a wealth of communication skills passed down through her culture from her ancestors. And she brings a spirit of innovation and originality as a westerner that is expressed in different ways than by my Polynesian people. There's a certain aspect of liberal thinking among westerners that brings grace to us which I don't find among my Polynesian people.

On the other hand, I'm from a Polynesian culture that has a warrior spirit. We are more oriented toward events and are mostly a non-crisis-oriented people. I bring into our marriage the value of relationships and "family-ness," qualities that are more highly valued than accomplishments and possessions.

There are many more cultural differences, but the big thing is that we not only pull, or draw, from each other's pool of strengths, but that we also use these strengths to serve each other and to bless each other's cultures.

There is an important saying among Native Americans with whom we work: "Don't judge me until you walk in my moccasins for three moons." This means that until you walk in my shoes for three seasons, you really don't know me. My understanding of this is that as love grows toward a person, we need to enter into and try to understand each other's family culture, national culture, and who we are as individuals. As we do this we need to make sure we don't walk into this with a judgmental attitude, but with a willingness to see how God sees each other's culture and personal makeup. We must be slow to speak but quick to learn.

There is no price that can be set on true love. If it's real we must be willing to embrace the God-given qualities in each other's makeup, including what we might not like. After all, the beauty of diversity is beyond words. It's who God is and how He wants the world to be. Humility, honesty, transparency and a willingness to learn from each other are the keys to sustaining true love.

--Vae and Julie work among First Nations Canadians and are the directors of YWAM New Waves. You can reach them at vaenjulie@yahoo.ca or www.newwaves.org.

International YWAMer, June-Sept 2006. Topics: